The First "Bob"tist Church and Loan of New Mexico, Inc.

Eternal Salvation --- Easy Monthly Payments

Rev. Dr. Abe P. Ervert, Pastor and CEO

L. Owen Sha'ark, Cantor, Acolyte and Collections

Welcome, Friends, to the First "Bob"tist Church and Loan of New Mexico, Inc. Online Minstry!

You'll PAY to know what you really think!
Friends! Do you LACK SLACK? Do you seek a short-duration personal savior who will not judge you, will not hobble you, WILL NOT MAKE YOU PUSH LITERATURE DOOR TO DOOR, but simply takes your money and shuts up? Are you not a member of a law enforcement agency? Do you make more than $60,000 (U.S.) per year? Then perhaps I, the Reverend Abe P. Ervert, am the preacher for you. Certain restrictions apply. Offer by prospectus only. May cause drowsiness, use caution while operating heavy machinery or having sex with your Significant Other before the pastor has checked out zir handling characteristics. Only Yeti need apply. Free prospectus: $30.

Eternal SALVATION --- Easy Monthly Payments

Friends, the First "Bob"tist Church and Loan of New Mexico, Inc. is the only church in the county that offers you an unconditional, TRIPLE YOUR MONEY BACK GUARANTEE that your Eternal Soul will be saved and traded for valuable prizes. In addition, when you invest your eternal soul and excess cash (no personal checks, please), you reserve a special place on the pleasure saucers of the X-ist Sex Goddesses. We aren't exactly sure if that place is in the First Class Overman section or the larder, but really, does it matter if you get the slack now?

How do I join, Reverend Abe?

Well, friend, I'm glad you asked. You see, the First "Bob"tist Church and Loan of New Mexico, Inc. is an equal opportunity savior and lender. Our Salvation package requires a simple, one page loan application and a one-time application fee of $30. Simply place your $30 in unmarked bills in a manilla envelope along with your name, address, telephone number, social security number, left ear, and a map of the route your youngest child takes to school every morning, sit on the envelope for a week (so "Bob" can Wiffread your Pstench), and then place the envelope behind the hot water pipes in the 3rd floor men's bathroom at the Albuquerque Hilton. L. Owen Sha'ark will be in touch with you shortly with your church membership, a loan check and a few papers to sign.

What do I do in the mean time?

Well, I'd suggest visiting the website of the mother church and buying some Church literature. Then look around the web for some Links-O-Slack. Sadly, Reverend Abe P. Ervert deleted our list of interesting Subgenius sites, but we remembered a few of them and we expect that Rev. Ervert will be able to remember a few more of them if we up the voltage on the clamps connected to his nipple rings over the next few days.

So SYNC UP! Eat the hell out of a hamburger and send $35 to the Subgenius Foundation, P.O. Box 807, Glen Rose, TX 76043 TODAY!